Archive for April, 2011

April Fool’s Part 2

Yea so I know it’s a little late but bare with me. For this post I bring you the second part of my April Fools Series of pranks/April Foolishness. This time around I prank a co-worker of mine who I have hanging with one night. A couple of my co-workers were staying at another co-workers house partying, drinking, and shaking our respective tailfeathers. Well most if not all of us decided that we would sleep over for the night, thus said gathering turned into a slumber party of sorts….As per slumber party rules aside from pillow fights, ice cream, and gossiping, the first person to fall asleep is the person who must suffer punishment for their lack of staying awake skills…Unfortunately for my friend, he became the second part of my April Fool’s Day prank…so here you go.

Let me briefly explain the after effects of my prank. The prankette woke up and attempted to wash the tooth paste off of his beard and hair…As we all know, when on adds water to toothpaste and applies friction, it begins to foams…This was the result. My friend had a head and beard full of foamy toothpaste. Another characteristic of toothpaste is that when it dries, it stains, with white spots…When ma dude woke up the next day it looked as if he had cum stains on his shirt and pants….ahhh good times


*Ahem* Chocolate Vaginas…

On a random note (as if everything on this blog isn’t random), I stumbled upon a great discovery one day as I left Soc of Media and arrived at the plaza. There was a table promoting a little something called “The Vagina Monologues.” First off, let me just say that I had no idea what that is…only that it has to do with vaginas and therefore females. (I know know that it focuses on female empowerment with  the vagina as a segway into that theme…see that world…I can be smart….shoutz to ma Wikipedia editors for making that happen…) A few things came to my mind that stemmed from my lack of understanding for this monologue for vaginas so bare with me…1. Why are there no penis monologues, I’m sure if vaginas got something the say, penises sure do too….2. Vagina Monologues…implies that vaginas can talk…what if they could? They would be some bitches I’d tell you that much…3…What are they selling??

It is this last question that caught my intrigue and ultimately my support regardless of what the Vagina Monologues were. They selling…and I kid you not…chocolate vaginas…Vaginas…made of chocolate….Chocolate…shaped like vaginas. I’m sorry but how fucking cool is that!?!? Essentially…this wonderous discovery took up a good portion of my day, here’s a video clip of some of that time taken…

Hello there blogging world. I’ve decided that after my preety busy April Fool’s Day aka April 1st, I would break it down and focus on each little joke/prank that I pulled throughout the day. Honestly, I wanted to pull a big ass prank the likes of which there would be no comparison buuuut…I’m way too busy for all that child’s play and what not. However, I do have the need to be an idiot every so often so I did get a couple people. So without further ado (always wanted to say “ado”), I give April #1, none other than the woman who gave me half her chromosomes, raised me, and taught me to be a little troublemaker…my dear unold Mother. (See that Mom, I didn’t call you old…Women are supposed to like that right?)

Let me just say off the bat that this April Fool’s joke was unintended but everything worked out in my favor. So, I’m on standby for jury duty and I was at work calling the number to find out when my date to go in would be. I guess I accidentally called my mother on my recent calls list when I was attempting to dial the number. In response, my mother sent me a text saying, “You called?” Now I didn’t see the first text because I was working in the stockroom at CM and quite occupied, so she sends another text 20 mins later again saying, “You called?” Due to my current situation at work I quickly responded with a text reading “Accident” meaning “it was an accident.” And that is wear the joke began. My mom responds, “Accident???” This is the part of the story where the lightbulb lights up above my head….an improv April Fool’s joke.

I called my mother with the most frantic voice I could muster:

Me: “Mom? Oh my God, there…um something just happened at work. Uh I mean someone…

Mom(keep in mind my mom is Jamaican): Greg-ry!? Wha appon? [What happened?]

Me: Um my co-worker. He um…I think he lost…I think I messed up this thumb. I think he lost a piece.

Mom: Ah? A wuh you ahsay? [Huh? What are you talking about?]

Me: Ok uh, we have this electric saw to cut display things or whatever for visuals. So my frie—so he–so oh God…so he was holding this piece of wood. And…I lost it, and there was so my blood.

Mom: Greg-ry! Ya mussa tink se mi a cunnamunnuh! [duno how to spell it but basically said: Gregory, you must think I’m an idiot.]

At this point, a couple of my co-workers who were playing around in the breakroom screamed loudly, for what reason God knows. Much to my delight and success of my ploy.

Mom: A wha dat!?!? [What was that!?!?]

Greg: He’s bleeding so much Mommy! [the use of “Mommy” showed that I was truly cowering]

Mom: Lawd-ave-mercy!! Greg-ry ya all-ways ah ramp. Mi all-ways tell ya fi stop play around but ya DOAN listen! [Lord have mercy!! Gregory, you’re always horsing around. I always tell you to stop playing around, but you don’t listen!]

Me: It was an accident Mommy!! I-I didn’t—

Mom: Wha appon if ‘im wan fi sue? We ave no money fi pay fi no DYAM finga. Oh Lawd! Ask ‘im if ‘im plan fi sue. Mi jus haff fi know. [What happens if he wants to sue? We have no money to pay for a damn finger. Oh Lord! Ask him if he plans to sue. I just have to know.]

Me (fighting the urge of laughter): Mom! He lost his finger!

Mom (mumbling): Jesus ave mercy pon us… [Jesus have mercy upon us…]

Me: Ight Mom. Mom! April Fool’s! I was joking, none of that happened.

Mom: Ah?

Me (laughing): None of that happened Mom, I was joking.

Mom: Wha? Mi erd ‘im scream! [What? I heard him scream]

Me (still laughing): No it was just a coincidence. The “accident” text meant that I called you by accident, not that “there was an accident.” It’s good to know that you’re most concerned about being sued. April Fool’s really lets you see that truth behind people hahahaha.

Mom: Bwoi…*sucks her teeth mad loud*…Ya tink suh ya a comedian…Bye.

Ahhh so thats how I got my mom on April Fool’s Day…whaddya think?