Hello there blogging world. I’ve decided that after my preety busy April Fool’s Day aka April 1st, I would break it down and focus on each little joke/prank that I pulled throughout the day. Honestly, I wanted to pull a big ass prank the likes of which there would be no comparison buuuut…I’m way too busy for all that child’s play and what not. However, I do have the need to be an idiot every so often so I did get a couple people. So without further ado (always wanted to say “ado”), I give April #1, none other than the woman who gave me half her chromosomes, raised me, and taught me to be a little troublemaker…my dear unold Mother. (See that Mom, I didn’t call you old…Women are supposed to like that right?)

Let me just say off the bat that this April Fool’s joke was unintended but everything worked out in my favor. So, I’m on standby for jury duty and I was at work calling the number to find out when my date to go in would be. I guess I accidentally called my mother on my recent calls list when I was attempting to dial the number. In response, my mother sent me a text saying, “You called?” Now I didn’t see the first text because I was working in the stockroom at CM and quite occupied, so she sends another text 20 mins later again saying, “You called?” Due to my current situation at work I quickly responded with a text reading “Accident” meaning “it was an accident.” And that is wear the joke began. My mom responds, “Accident???” This is the part of the story where the lightbulb lights up above my head….an improv April Fool’s joke.

I called my mother with the most frantic voice I could muster:

Me: “Mom? Oh my God, there…um something just happened at work. Uh I mean someone…

Mom(keep in mind my mom is Jamaican): Greg-ry!? Wha appon? [What happened?]

Me: Um my co-worker. He um…I think he lost…I think I messed up this thumb. I think he lost a piece.

Mom: Ah? A wuh you ahsay? [Huh? What are you talking about?]

Me: Ok uh, we have this electric saw to cut display things or whatever for visuals. So my frie—so he–so oh God…so he was holding this piece of wood. And…I lost it, and there was so my blood.

Mom: Greg-ry! Ya mussa tink se mi a cunnamunnuh! [duno how to spell it but basically said: Gregory, you must think I’m an idiot.]

At this point, a couple of my co-workers who were playing around in the breakroom screamed loudly, for what reason God knows. Much to my delight and success of my ploy.

Mom: A wha dat!?!? [What was that!?!?]

Greg: He’s bleeding so much Mommy! [the use of “Mommy” showed that I was truly cowering]

Mom: Lawd-ave-mercy!! Greg-ry ya all-ways ah ramp. Mi all-ways tell ya fi stop play around but ya DOAN listen! [Lord have mercy!! Gregory, you’re always horsing around. I always tell you to stop playing around, but you don’t listen!]

Me: It was an accident Mommy!! I-I didn’t—

Mom: Wha appon if ‘im wan fi sue? We ave no money fi pay fi no DYAM finga. Oh Lawd! Ask ‘im if ‘im plan fi sue. Mi jus haff fi know. [What happens if he wants to sue? We have no money to pay for a damn finger. Oh Lord! Ask him if he plans to sue. I just have to know.]

Me (fighting the urge of laughter): Mom! He lost his finger!

Mom (mumbling): Jesus ave mercy pon us… [Jesus have mercy upon us…]

Me: Ight Mom. Mom! April Fool’s! I was joking, none of that happened.

Mom: Ah?

Me (laughing): None of that happened Mom, I was joking.

Mom: Wha? Mi erd ‘im scream! [What? I heard him scream]

Me (still laughing): No it was just a coincidence. The “accident” text meant that I called you by accident, not that “there was an accident.” It’s good to know that you’re most concerned about being sued. April Fool’s really lets you see that truth behind people hahahaha.

Mom: Bwoi…*sucks her teeth mad loud*…Ya tink suh ya a comedian…Bye.

Ahhh so thats how I got my mom on April Fool’s Day…whaddya think?