Archive for May, 2011


Farewell…

So as most of you know, this was mainly a school project, although available for the world to see it they care that much. So straight to the point, this post is my last post here on this iteration of SmileJinzo.  To be honest, I did get to put a lot of effort into this blog and I didn’t really get to enjoy it cuz I saw it mostly as pain in the ass homework assignment. I tried to have fun but with the stress of the semester, just wasn’t gonna happen. So I will not be posting anymore on this here WordPress catastrophe. I also gotta admit that I felt restricted by the fact that this was technically an academic assignment. I couldn’t be the uncensored, vulgar, and sometimes offensive jokester that I really am. Maybe the word “couldnt” is a bit inaccurate…It’s not that I couldn’t, its more that I felt that I shouldn’t. Morals you say? No not really. More that I can get really crazy and I wasn’t sure that my university would permit it if they somehow found out from some snitching, overly sensitive student.

Wait… you did say “this iteration”? Wth do you mean you handsome man? Well let me divulge some tentative information…I do plan on starting a blog or website that in some capacity features comedy sketchs, posts, and/or standup. I had this plan before this blog was born. So I will be back in the viral atmosphere, just not here. So goodbye, farewell, thank you for putting up with my retarded humor and by all means….keep smiling.

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted about something that I hate. This was supposed to be a series, not just a one post thing. But what can I say, its been a good few months…nothing to really hate…UNTIL NOW…I kinda hate ponytails. I know, I know…its not fair yea, maybe not, but its perfectly warranted.

SO I’m on the train, doing my New York City kid thing. Ipod on, lookin fly, waitin to get to my destination…I’m standing holding on to a poll just surveying the car and lo and behold I gazed upon a stunning beauty sitting down doing her New York sexy black chick thing. Ipod on, weave in tact (just kidding just kidding…it was real…I think…), sexy body, preety face, lookin scrumdiddlyumptious….My mouth almost dropped open but I was like na, aint no way I could bag a girl like that. I almost turned away but before I did, our eyes met, and she smiled. Word??? She smiled??? She sure did…that right there is an invitation. I gathered up my loins and got ready to scoop…

Right when I was about to, a lady standing near me intervened. This quite attractive lady had an obnoxious and overly long ponytail. For some odd reason she decided that this would be the PERFECT time to swing her head around as quickily as she could. And of course her ponytail followed like a whip…For NO intents and purposes, she whipped her hair back and forth (shouts to Willow Smith you talented little elf you). The result is that that behemoth of a ponytail whipped me in the eyes and effectively blinded me. The results you ask? Well let me break it down for you:

1. I let out an aggravated scream that sounded like, “Aahhhahrgharrr”

2. I was visually crippled for at least 1-10 mins

3. When I did get some vision back, I saw through watery eyes that Sexy Black Chick with a Nice Smile was gone…she apparently got off at the next train stop.

4. The crazy ponytail lady was looking at me as if I was crazy. Me!? Nooo…youuu’re crazy for having a long ass ponytail that hurts people. No one has been whipped like I had since Harriet Tubman was swiping Metrocards in the Underground Railroad…

5. I went to my internship at Jamaica Hospital, with red eyes and continuing to laugh at the stupidest things the kids I work with did…Long story short, one of my co-workers asked me if I was high, and many people gave me strange looks…

So in conclusion, I’d like to say thank you, bitch ass ponytail for ruining my chances with a hot girl and making me look like a pothead…but…I get the last laugh ponytails. You know why? Because at the end of the day, you make the back of a woman’s head look like a horse’s ass…

can you tell the difference?

hmmmmm???

Yes yes, I know it’s May, but I promise that this is the last portion of the April Fool’s Series.  What can I say? I’m a master procrastinator, its what I do best. This did take place on April 1st night but I’m not gonna lie, I put the blog biz on the backburner. Anywayz… let’s get down to business.

So the night of April Fool’s Day when I was staying at my co-worker’s house with a couple of my other co-workers, I played a lil prankity prank on my co-worker who was on that ill CPT (Colored People Time) and was o.d. late. Anyway, when she FINALLY arrived, I noticed that her car’s right rearview mirror was missing. It was at this point that the mastermind within was released.

It just so happened that we had some barbeque sauce from the chicken and pizza we ordered so I quickly snagged a good amount of that bad boy and ran outside as my homegirl was parking. As she pulled up to a parking space, I snuck passed parked cars and came up along her right side so that she couldn’t see me. I came up next to her right side rear and hit the trunk as hard as I possibly could as she was reversing and fell to the ground a. I heard one of the loudest screams that I’ve ever heard which went to the tune of something like this….OK…maybe I’m exaggerating just a bit, but still it was a gut wretching scream, I had to fight to keep my laughter in… As I lay there, I quickly opened the buffalo sauces and spilled then on the ground next to where my head would eventually lay so that at night time, it would look a bit like blood. (Yes, I know what you’re thinking and you’re right…I AM that much of a jerk.) I dipped my fingers in it too so that she could see the blood on my hands glistening under the NYC streetlamp (oh what a great line of imagery…I should paid to write lines like that…any takers????).

I lay there for a good while and listened to my homegirl’s hyperventilation (whoaaaa, college vocab alert!!! hands down the biggest word I’ve used all semester…for the vocabularily challenged, that means “heavy breathing”) steadily increase. Then I heard her start to mutter louding, “Oh ma God, Oh ma God. Fuck, fuck, fucking fuckington…” (“Wait til she realizes that it was her friend that she hit,” is what I was thinking.) She got out of the car mumbling something that I couldnt understand and came to my body, I tried to hold myself from laughing on the ground. I guess she came to my body (my eyes were closed) but I heard her shout, “NO!!! Greg!?!?!?!?….GREG!!!” She got down on her knees and came close to my face. I opened my eyes and turned my head slowly answering, “Yeeeesss????” the creepiest way I possibly could. Then followed with a smile. The look on her face was priceless, and a barrage of damaging punches to my body ensued…Injuries aside…the prank was well worth the trouble.

Osama Gems Cont.

Okie dokes, I’m back with a few more gems from my exploration of the world that is Facebook and this time, I’ve added some things from personal conversations and interactions. Osama is dead people, let the humor and cynicism recommencificate (lil Former President G Dubb Bush reference there…you guys see that?…Ah yes, I am quite the clever one.).

Gem #6

Facebooker Umar: “…Trump will come out of nowhere and ask for his [referring to Osimitysama] long-form death certificate as proof.” For those of you that live under a current events rock, here is the reference that my clever friend here is making Donald Trump Being an Asshole

Gem #7

Facebooker Shawn: “Halal gonna be $10 now with no free soda!!!”

Gem #8

Random Facebooker: “Osama is finally dead, they got the man responsible for September 11th.”

Slow Ass Facebooker: “I thought the man responsible for September 11th was Bin Laden???”

Clever Facebooker Otherwise Known As Me: “Are you kidding me? Step your primary terrorist knowledge game up. That’s knowledge that’s been available for 10 yrs, you’re officially a moron…”

Gem #9

Facebooker Deshele: “He ain’t dead!! For the next couple of fays I’m not taking no cabs…eating halal…no Dunkin Donuts…Nothing!!!”

Gem #10


Gem #11

Oh boy good times, good times…anyway, bottom line is this: Osama is dead…and I just got two much need blog posts out of this. Thank you Osama you dead, murderous son of a bitch.

Hello gentlemen and gentlewomen, this marks my 10th post on this here blog…a milestone appropriately honored by the news of el day. Seeing as EVERYONE is doing it, I figured I might as well too being that I don’t respond well to peer pressure… I am going to talk about Osama bin Laden’s demise, but I warn you, if you want you share of share of seriousness regarding the subject, here is a link with all the updates so you can get caught up courtesy of CNN (I think that stands for Cool News Niggas…): http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/05/02/obama-to-make-statment-tonight-subject-unknown/

That was your share of Osama seriousness, from here on out, we’ll be chillen and enjoying the humor of the world as they respond to the dead of one of the most notorious terrorists who also had one of the most epic beards in world history…Osama bin Ladizzle… Last night while watching CNN, I was also browsing Facebook as all us busy college students do when we should be immersed in educational bliss….*ahem*…yea….so I stumbled upon a few lil gems regarding our man Osama that I figured I share with you bloggers and bloggerettes.

Gem #1

Facebooker James: “He [referring to Osama bin Laden for the slow ones who decided to skip my earlier typing and get to the goods so that they could have something to say about the post and get a much needed comment on your classmate’s wall] lived a full life. Shot videos. Went YouTube platinum. Had 70 virgins. He did it his way.

Gem #2

Facebooker Daniela: “Damn there’s an Osama is Dead FB page already lmao”–updated 5 mins after Obama’s speech first airs

Gem #3

Facebooker Oscar: “Fuck that…someone call up Obama n ask him where Waldo is”

Gem# 4

Facebooker Jamaal: “How they got a V.I.P. section at the “Osama is Dead” Party on 42nd st?”

Gem #5

Facebooker White Guy on Osama is Dead Wall: “I bet the line to piss on his grave will be preety fucking long.

Ah….Facebookers, how I love thees….yes I said “thees”…More gems in a bit blogging world!!!